Last weekend we were celebrating Mothering Sunday. I’m currently mothering 4 kids – from 14 years old down to 11 months. They are a mixture of birth, adopted and looked after children. Our youngest is looked after which means he’s been with us since birth and will stay until he moves to his forever family. I found myself at a toddler group last week, making three Mothering Sunday cards with him – one for his tummy Mummy, one for me and one for his adoptive Mummy who he is yet to meet. It’s a unique position to be in and got me thinking about his identity.
I read lots of comments on social media from thankful children sharing what their Mothers have passed to them, whether it was a strong work ethic, an ability to laugh at themselves, an acceptance of difference, radical hospitality or faith. But what if your experience of being mothered fell short? Or, like looked-after and adopted children, you have more than one mother figure? Where do you draw your identity then?
I once heard a care-experienced young person describe the idyllic half timber-framed cottage she grew up in, (in her fostering family) compared to the council estate home she had come from and the tension that inevitably caused. Who was she? Which home reflected her most accurately? I know it’s a clunky example as we’re all more than the bricks and mortar that surround us. And we know that we don’t have to be defined and shaped by our earthly parents, the size of our home, friendship groups, the school we go to, what we wear or what music we might listen to. Today’s society tells us there is so much choice about who we say we are.
But who does God say we are?
He says we are loved, chosen, forgiven, redeemed and adopted.
We can hold firm to the knowledge of our Godly parenthood and that we’ve been adopted into God’s family. Not all of us are legally adopted or have experienced the care system. But as a Christian, I believe we have all been adopted into God’s family and I’m so grateful for the knowledge of that parenthood and love that overrides any human disappointments, hurt or confusion over identity.
So make your main goal of life learning how to know, love, and trust God.
Romans 8:15-17 “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
Ephesians 1:4-5 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”
Joy Pollock
Joy and her husband have been fostering for 8 years and have fostered 18 children. They currently have 4 kids – ranging from 14 years old to 11 months – a mixture of adopted, looked after and birth children.